Still There For Me 20
by RedgeandLilly
Summary: This is a songfic based on Corbin Bleu's Still there for me and nimorphs. I thought it decribed the Cassie/Jake relationship really well. I didn't like the way K.A. Applegate ended it in here books so I ended it differently in mine. Please read this one!


_**Lately I've been thinking about the things that we've been through . . .**_

Cassie squeezed my hand. The small gesture meant a lot to me at the moment. The Yeerk was dying. Its pain was nearly palpable to me. Though the gesture of kindness was not meant for him he took comfort in it as well. I imagined it was one of the last pleasant things he would feel. He resented the thought. But also knew it was true.

Later that night I flew through Cassie's window. As my human features remerged she needed no explanation for my visit. She scrambled out of bed and came toward me arms open. I nearly hurled myself into her waiting arms. The embrace was not romantic in any way. But it was so full of compassion and understanding I buried my face in her shoulder and cried.

_**And I don't know if I'd be here . . . if not for you.**_

I was so tired. So tired of war, so tired of pain, so tired of death. Not many people could see it. Only my team could see the full extent of what being the leader did to me. Who lives? Who dies? Is it worth the risk? How many people will lose their freedom because I didn't act? The questions and what ifs whirl around in my head so often they've almost become a mantra. Even my team doesn't know half of what goes on in my skull. Except . . . except Cassie. She knows me better than I know myself. Keeps me from falling off the precarious edge I'm on into the gaping maw of insanity. Cassie is my sure thing anymore. Without her . . . I wouldn't survive this war.

_**I had to take a little time to work things out . . .**_

I've always known that it was Cassie. Cassie was and always will be my . . . soul mate. Gosh that sounds cheesy but it's the honest to god truth. After the war is over, whenever that may be. I want to be with Cassie my whole life, but . . . does she want that? Does she want me? Is that what is best , what is safest for her?

_**And you should know I have never meant to let you down . . .**_

Cassie is crying after the battle. The carnage is sickening. We had just barely escaped with our lives. I know I should comfort her. Wrap my arms around her and tell her everything will be all right, even though I know with certainty it won't. I can't move my legs to walk to her. I can't move my arms to wrap her in my embrace. Can't move my lips to murmur words to assuage her guilt. I can only move my eyes. I watch Ax put a hand uncertainly on Cassie's back. Cassie chokes back another sob.

"Make sure she gets home Ax." My voice sounds dead even to my own ears. I don't correct Ax when he calls me prince. I just turn to walk home feeling hollow inside, Cassie's weeping echoing in my ears.

_**Cause I . . . I want to tell you that I'm sorry. And I . . . **_

Cassie runs toward me relief written plainly on her face. Before either of us can think can stop this moment I draw her into my arms. Then I am kissing Cassie. Kissing Cassie. The joy of it transcends mere words. "Finally." I hear someone mutter behind us. I don't care that they are watching. I don't care what they think. They are right. Yes, finally. Finally I have Cassie.

_**Even when I'm not giving enough and I'm taking too much . . . you're still there for me.**_

Tom was making jokes about mono and how I shouldn't be kissing Cassie so much. If he knew that this was a minor case of Yamphut I'd be dead on infested before you could say mononucleosis. The door opened down stairs and I heard Tom snicker. That couldn't bode well.

"Hey midget, your girlfriend is here!" His yelling was making my head throb. "I'm headed out. Don't do anything while I'm gone." He laughed nastily again and I heard the door slam. Ugh. Stupid Yeerk. I heard soft padding on the stairs and then my door creaked open softly. Cassie stood in the doorway.

"Can I come in?" She asked. I nodded; I didn't trust my voice not to break. She came over to sit on the edge of my pillow. She placed a hand on my forehead. It felt blessedly cool compared to my feverish skin.

"You still have a fever but Ax's tria gland is out. You've been away from the source of the infection for almost three days now. You should be fine my tomorrow." She smiled. Then she leaned in.

"Wait." I said. I had never stopped her trying to kiss me before. I should probably elaborate. "I don't want you to get sick." Ugh. Yep my voice broke. She smiled a mischievous smile more often seen on Rachel's face than . . . well never seen on Cassie's face.

"I'll risk it." Then she kissed me. I like it when Cassie takes risks.

_**Even when I've got nothing at all and I'm ready to fall . . . you're still there for me. There for me . . . there for me. **_

_The black cave loomed ahead. Cassie stood there looking at me with sad eyes. I was ordering her to go into the cave. That it was the only way to win. Someone had to go. I watched as she turned and faded into the blackness. _

Cassie opened her window when she heard the soft tap of my beak against the window. This was not the first nor probably the last time I had made the trip here. When I was fully human she took me in her arms in a silent promise of acceptance and understanding. I returned the embrace with almost violent fervor. I had to feel her there in my arms real, alive, vibrant. I trailed fierce kisses from her jaw down her neck and back again. She would die because of this war, and I would be the one to order it. The precipice of insanity felt more real to me every second. When Cassie was gone, I would topple over the edge.

_**Sometimes I know I can be so hard to understand . . . even when I'm lost you show me who I really am.**_

The timer was counting down. I was the only one who could stop it. The whole planet would fall forever under Yeerk control. I knew I had to stop it. At the same time . . . Cassie was falling. She would not survive the drop I knew. Her eyes pleaded with me to save the world, to save the Human race while there was still a chance of that being a possibility. I could have done it if it had been Rachel, Ax, or even my best friend Marco. This was Cassie. War-hardened, do-what-needs-to-be-done, rebel Yeerk in the head Cassie. Still _my_ Cassie. Still the girl I loved. I reached for her hand.

_**Life with me hasn't always been an easy ride . . . but because of you I've learned to lose my selfish pride.**_

I couldn't see a trace of Tom anywhere in my brother's face, just evil Yeerk. He delivered a stinging blow to my right cheek. I tasted blood in my mouth. I spat, yep blood. The Yeerk ranted for a little bit about how could he have been so blind, right under his roof, nearly starved for his stupidity. He suddenly hauled off and punched me in the nose. I felt a crunch and blood gushed down over my lips and chin. The Yeerk wasn't done however. I doubled over as he punched me in the abdomen. Marco was yelling. Apparently something Marco had said had made him stop because he straightened, tense.

Then I saw that it was not Marco that had stopped Tom but a snarling, very pissed looking wolf. I smiled. _Cassie_.

_**Cause I . . . I want to tell you that I'm sorry. And I . . . Even when I'm not giving enough and I'm taking too much . . . you're still there for me. Even when I've got nothing at all and I'm ready to fall . . . you're still there for me.**_

The others were in various states of fury when they had found out that Cassie had just let Tom get away. The morphing cube would provide the Yeerks with even more of a tactical advantage than they already had, the last we needed were morph-capable Yeerks. Visser three was bad enough on his own. Unlike the others though I know her reasons. I had been poised to attack; no thought, just action. The thoughts would come later along with nightmares. She had stopped me. She didn't want me to have that on my head too. I had killed so many people, Hork-Bajir, Taxxon, Human alike, and I would never escape it. She didn't want me to add Tom's name to my list. And though I was frustrated and worried as hell I couldn't be mad at her.

"Thank you." I left the measly scrap of paper with my gratitude on the floor of her tent. She would know what it meant.

_**There for me . . . there for me. Even when I can't be there for you . . . oh you're always there for me. **_

Cassie cried as Rachel died. I wanted to cry too but knew I could not. It reminded me of a long time ago an indistinct memory of numbness and loss. The numbness preventing me from comforting the person dearest to me.I know it was selfish and wrong, I knew that Tobias would hate me forever. From the beginning of this mission there were only two choices. And there was one thing, I would not, could not lose.

_**Oh its love . . .**_

Cassie looks wonderful in that black dress. She feels self-conscious I can tell. Even two years after the war has ended and she has been invited to countless parties, even the White House for heaven's sake, she is still self-conscious. Some things never change. I grasp her hand and reach into my pocket for the velvet lined box. "Cassie." She looks at me. I slide from my seat to kneel beside her. Her eyes widen and fill with tears. I open the box displaying the diamond on the simple band. I would have gotten more extravagant but I knew what Cassie liked. "Will you marry me?"

The tears spilled over and she smiled. "Yes."

_**Oooh . . . it must be love . . . **_

All my happiest memories were eclipsed by the sight of Cassie walking down the isle in her simple white gown. I couldn't believe I was getting my wish fulfilled. I was getting Cassie forever. She was mine. I couldn't imagine how she could feel the same way but the emotions shining from her eyes convinced me she was not feeling dissimilarly.

_**Oooh . . . its gotta be real love, its gotta be real love.**_

I couldn't believe it when Cassie told me the news. We were having a child. A child! We discussed at length. We were going to keep this baby at no point was that contested. Finally we decided on names. If we had a son we would name him Tom, but if we had a girl we would name her Rachel. We wanted it to be a mystery and asked that the gender not be revealed to us.

_**Even when I'm not giving enough and I'm taking too much . . .**_

Cassie gripped my hand like a drowning person would hold a life preserver.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She screamed again.

"Just breathe honey." The nurse advised again.

"Is there anything I can do?" I asked frantic.

"Yeah." She hissed through gritted teeth.

"What?"

"Shut up! AHHHHH!" She breathed in sharp ragged breaths.

"Okay." The nurse said. "That was good. One more push honey." Cassie cried out in pain again and then . . . another, smaller cry. I shifted to look at the small squalling child. A smile spread across my face.

"What is it Jake?" Cassie said weakly.

"Rachel."

_**Even when I'm not giving enough and I'm taking too much . . . you're still there for me. Even when I've got nothing at all and I'm ready to fall . . . you're still there for me.**_

"What have we got here?" Marco said picking up my daughter. He cradled her easily in his arms. She was small, sturdy, and undeniably adorable. The whole gang had assembled to meet Rachel, even Ax on leave from The Intrepid. Tobias has surprised me most with his reaction saying he thought Rachel would have been honored that they used her name for their first kid. Marco was making baby talk at Rachel and waggling his fingers in front of her face. She laughed.

"Hah!" He said. "I have made Rachel laugh." Everybody laughed at that. She grabbed his pinky and stuck it in her mouth. Cassie's fingers curled around mine.

"You know . . . I think this is the only time Rachel has ever voluntarily let me hold he-ouch!" He pulled his pinky from the small girl's mouth to examine the tiny bite mark on his finger. Tobias collapsed on the floor sides shaking. Ax gave one of those Andalite smiles. Cassie squeezed my hand, and we laughed too.


End file.
